Amore Fati

For one year I have been floating. Hardly living scared to make the wrong move. Just being a human instead of being my inner BEING. I quit a job that I used to love because I couldnt handle the rough patch I was going through. I entered and exited an internship with the wrong intensions and expectations. I have not seriously acted for one year…..no extra work no classes no agents…nada. I literally was scared to make a move because I did not want to take the wrong opportunity that would loead me down a path that I did not want to venture to. As i lived paralyzed I went through three different career options. A styist to the stars, a world famous actress, a VP of a luxury fashion brand. Or a bus driver. Because I was not making any career choices I have not reaped what I thought I should have by now.

People who know me think I’m destined for greatness and going to be a star. There are days where I do not see that. I am patient. And today I am no longer paralyzed. If  and when it is going to happen it will happen. How the fuck did I expect to reap benefits for not putting in any work lol. A year is a long time and of course it had it’s highs and it’s lows. But last summer I said that 2011 summer would be the last “boring” summer of just hanging out with him and working somewhere whack and going to 1 or 2 shows. Well this summer so far has not been the most exciting but it has been the most eye opening. At times I take my year of living as a human as my time in the cocoon in isolated trasnformation and making a transformation only I can see and feel. Thoughts and prayers are manifasting very quickly. Something has opened up and light is beaming out and I see differently and hear the English language differently. Im just gunna go get that. Im just gunna say that. Im just gunna do that. And Im just gunna be that.

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