I am naturally an angry person. Any thing small will annoy me which then causes me to be moody. I will lash out at loved ones or cut friends out of my life for no significant reason. During my college years I was at my darkest moments. Hating the way I looked, hated who I was, hated school, hated people….I just felt disgusting. Although college brought me amazing opportunities and friendships nothing could shake this feeling of anger and unworthiness.
This year I decided no more. I was going to wash myself new and free myself from the person I was in the past. I was going to watch my tone, my words and stop over analyzing my “not-where-I-wanted-to-be” life. But of course I kept failing. Some days I am conscious and great and happy. And other days I am right back to who I was in college. So instead of constantly failing and beating myself up about it…I decided to be serious and be proactive and dig deeper. I asked myself and God why am I so angry and why do I feel this way? With many days and nights of meditations, being a positive energy blog junky, prayer and journal entries. I realized that I did not love myself. DING DING DING! How can I treat others with love and respect and worthiness if I did not feel or view myself in this way? When I say love I am not just talking about the physical, I mean deep down loving every inch of my spirit, personality and accepting my whole being….
They always say you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Well they never explain to you HOW to do that! There are no easy steps…just life experiences and alot of compassion and patience with yourself. I feel good. I have peace more often. I look in the mirror every morning with the affirmation “I love myself madly, truly, deeply”. Still working….
Of course learning to love and accept yourself is not a one and done deal, it is a lifetime of discovery. Join me on this path back to yourself. Let me know what your journey has been like.
I am getting back to love which I came from.