I recently professed with my mouth, heart, body and soul that I am a Christian. A follower of Christ. A representative of heaven here on Earth. That’s a whole lot of responsibility for someone who didn’t love herself, tried to find happiness outside herself, drank to excess and did drugs. But when God calls you must answer.
I NEVER thought I would see myself praising God in every conversation and praying deep fervent prayers in public on NJ Transit lol. But here I am and I could not be happier. It has been a year long journey of self-discovery and self-love but only approximately 2 months since I have become a Christian.
I remember the first time I went to church by myself and as a newcomer they asked me to come to the front and pray for me. I was extremely reluctant because I do not like people praying for me at all because of family history but that is another day and another blog.So, before they prayed for me they asked me “What do you want us to help you pray for?” and at first I was going to say “Please help me get a better job!” (because I am always looking for jobs lol) but then this little nervous voice came out and said “Pray for me to not be scared to call myself a Christian”.
See there was a serious fear in me where I was blocking my truth. There are so many evil spirited people out there that are calling themselves Christians and doing the craziest things, I did not want to be connected with that. And because of who I used to be I thought people would think I was being a fake. But all of those false thoughts were centered around other people and not myself or my personal connection with God so I had to get rid of those false thoughts with the quickness and accept who I am and who God needs me to be. I just never thought I was the correct image for Christianity because of my crazy personality and wild side. But that was just me being judgmental and thinking Christian women only look one way. It literally brings me to tears when I think about how God has changed me and shifted me from the darkness I was to the beaming light I am steadily becoming.
For the longest time I would always say “I’m spiritual not religious but I love Jesus” lolz. Looking back I was so half in and half out! Now I am fully yearning to know God and understand the destiny that I need to fulfill for him. Say it out loud I AM A CHRISTIAN AND PROUD.